When You Embrace Who You Are Instead of Comparing Yourself You'll Begin Thriving Instead of Striving
In a recent TV segment on Great Day Louisiana, I talked about the comparison trap and how to get out of it, and Malik and I could have easily stayed on the topic for another hour.
I love unpacking this issue because I meet with people regularly who are tired. They’re worn out from trying to keep up with the unrealistic expectations that society has set for us.
They’re trying to balance work, family, and sometimes tough circumstances and emotions, and everything else while trying to make it look effortless because we’ve been conditioned to believe that’s how we’re supposed to do it, and it’s exhausting! It’s not sustainable, and we don’t have to live that way.
The Bible says that each of us was created with a specific purpose in mind, and as we learn to focus our attention on that, we won’t be tempted to compare ourselves to others because we’ll recognize that we have our own unique purpose to accomplish.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
— Ephesians 2:10
I understand that many people face tremendous pressure and that it’s not easy to change it, but our bodies are not built to live on the adrenaline produced by chronic stress. If that’s what you’re facing now, something needs to change. And the reality is that change takes time, and it’s hard even when it’s good. But we must start somewhere, and I can confidently tell you that we start making progress when we stop comparing.
We’ve all done it. We’ve seen the new car that our friend just bought or the spotless house on our friend’s social media with well-dressed, perfectly behaved children (who were probably all over the place shortly before or after the photo), by the way. Some of us have lost jobs while others have gotten promotions. That’s the reality of life. We’re all walking through our own season, and things happen at different times for different people, but when we stop trying to “keep up” we can begin to thrive.
Thrive is a verb, and it simply means to develop well, prosper and flourish. One simple way to begin thriving is to put social media in its place. This goes back to comparison because they’re related. I think social media can be great, but it’s also dangerous when we begin to let it rob us of contentment. So, it’s important to pay attention to how you feel when you’re scrolling.
Do you begin to feel (envy) heaviness in your chest as you look at beautiful photos from your friend’s recent trip to Hawaii? Do you start feeling a little smug with opinions when someone says something you disagree with? If so, you’re probably struggling with comparison, and it will wreck you if you let it go unchecked.
It can lead to insecurity and the inability to confidently make decisions. I’ve also seen it lead to crippling amounts of debt because we start trying to impress people who aren’t even paying attention, and it can also lead to a complete lack of gratitude, which leads to an empty life.
Since I’m confident that none of us want to live an empty life, I shared a few key things you can do to take the power back over your mind because when we maintain authority over our thoughts, we can approach life with a soul that’s at rest. Here are the steps.
1. Be grateful. At the moment you start feeling down or smug, stop scrolling and write down 5 things you’re truly grateful for that day. Maybe you’re thankful for the breath in your lungs or the sunshine. Maybe you’re thankful that you live in a safe place. Whatever you’re thankful for, write it down. It will change your heart posture almost immediately.
2. Limit your time on social media. It’s called a feed for a reason, but listen, what you feed grows. When you stop comparing yourself and your life to the highlight reel of your friend’s life, you’ll begin to feel the pressure lift.
3. Look for reasons to celebrate others. When you’re struggling, hoping for your next opportunity, or waiting for what feels like too long, it can be tempting to allow jealousy to sneak into your heart. Don’t do it. Instead, look for reasons to celebrate the good things that happen to people around you.
4. Focus on your purpose. When you understand and embrace your purpose, you’ll spend less time being distracted and more time cultivating the habits you need in place to reach your own goals.
Are you currently struggling with comparison? If so, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. There are many strategies to get out of the comparison trap, but we don’t need to overcomplicate it. Starting with gratitude and choosing what you allow yourself to think about will help you change your perspective, and changing your perspective will help you thrive.
What do you do when you realize you’re struggling with comparison? What steps would you add to my list?