Ten Strategies to Help You Ditch the Dangerous Trend of Self-Deprecation and Practice Self-Appreciation
As someone who has spent several years coaching and advising people from diverse backgrounds and stages of life, I've noticed a recurring theme, especially among women.
I regularly hear them describe themselves by saying "I'm just a hot mess" or "I'm beyond help". I see it on social media too, and we act like it’s cute or funny. But it’s not, and it breaks my heart to see women who are doing their best and apologizing for it.
The thing is - we’ve been conditioned to beat ourselves up for not “having it all together” and not being everything to everyone all the time, but we weren’t built to carry those burdens. It’s also important to recognize that putting yourself down does not equal humility.
When I hear women verbally abusing themselves in front of me, I call them up (not out). I remind them that their words are powerful, then I vulnerably explain that I have to remind myself of that truth too.
I used to engage in self-deprecating comments about myself regularly, and it wasn’t cute when I did it either.
Sometimes I said hateful things about myself because I believed them, while other times I wanted to state the obvious before someone else did. And sometimes I made poor comments about myself because subconsciously I wanted people to disagree with my statements about myself.
Self-deprecation is typically rooted in arrogance, which comes from fear. When we put ourselves down, we expect those around us to disagree and tell us how great we are. Sometimes we need that encouragement, and when we do, it’s okay to ask for it rather than attempting to coax people into telling us what we want to hear.
We must also realize that our words are powerful and speaking hurtful words over ourselves will never help us achieve our goals.
Here’s a list of 10 strategies that you can practice to replace self-deprecation with self-appreciation:
Recognize negative self-talk: Pay attention to your thoughts and identify when you engage in self-deprecating behavior. Notice the negative statements or beliefs you have about yourself.
Challenge negative thoughts: Whenever you catch yourself engaging in self-deprecating thoughts, challenge them by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support these negative beliefs or if they are simply based on assumptions or past experiences. Compare them to the truth in God’s Word. (If you need some ideas, start with Psalm 139, Ephesians 2, and Romans 5).
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend. Acknowledge that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay to make mistakes or have flaws because perfection isn’t attainable or required.
Focus on strengths: Shift your attention to your positive qualities and achievements. Make a list of your strengths, skills, and accomplishments. Remind yourself of these positive aspects regularly.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Surrounding yourself with positive, encouraging individuals can help challenge negative self-perceptions. And while we’re at it, here’s a bonus tip - be the kind of friend you’d want to have.
Set realistic goals: Set achievable goals and celebrate your wins. Focus on personal growth rather than comparing yourself to others. Remember that you were created uniquely and it wasn’t an accident.
Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Engage in activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time in nature.
Challenge perfectionism: Understand that perfection is unattainable and unnecessary, and striving for it is futile. Embrace the concept of "good enough" and accept that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth.
Seek support if needed: If you can’t see the good in yourself despite your efforts, consider seeking support from a therapist or behavior modification coach. They can help you address underlying issues and develop healthier thought patterns.
Practice gratitude: Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life. Regularly remind yourself of the things you are grateful for, both big and small.
Remember, self-acceptance and embracing yourself is a journey that takes time, reflection, vulnerability, humility, and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate even the smallest wins.
The reality is that, on our own, we’re not enough, but God’s grace over lives is enough. He created each of us on purpose and gives us the grace we need every day. And that is more than enough.